How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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