why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
