Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
