i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
