tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
