theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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