i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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