If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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