I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
