My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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