her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My vagina just clenched in fear
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
