I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
