he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
