It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
