I haven't been this sober since birth.
ugly people sure do ruin things
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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