Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
