fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
