spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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