Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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