She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
