I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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