so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
