drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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