summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
