I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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