I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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