Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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