That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
