Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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