I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
