so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
