I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
