We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
