Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
