He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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