She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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