Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
