I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
