I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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