Sober January is a disaster.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
