i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
