Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
