I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
