I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
