Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I forget how to act sober
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