Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
