1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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