At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
