SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids