Having a random hookup so left but love u
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma