Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  What you up to?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Full throttle

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.

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  (248): What you up to? (734): Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking. (248): Full throttle (734): Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche. http://tfl.nu/7srx
  Replies (11) Good night (1564) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.

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  (919): I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again. http://tfl.nu/8soy
  Replies (13) Good night (628) Bad night (2875)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..

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  (641): i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door.. http://tfl.nu/c547
  Replies (20) Good night (618) Bad night (4311)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this

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  (304): enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this http://tfl.nu/89bx
  Replies (18) Good night (3934) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.

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  (802): I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase. http://tfl.nu/kajo
  Replies (22) Good night (6373) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.

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  (954): you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid. http://tfl.nu/mqq2
  Replies (5) Good night (3763) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.

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  (484): her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird. http://tfl.nu/16ps
  Replies (15) Good night (4315) Bad night (1197)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.

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  (765): He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame. http://tfl.nu/5bwq
  Replies (5) Good night (3330) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.

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  (425): He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that. http://tfl.nu/0n60
  Replies (9) Good night (2843) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....

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  (909): and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests".... http://tfl.nu/4e7u
  Replies (7) Good night (3498) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit

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  (619): I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit http://tfl.nu/iywm
  Replies (8) Good night (2711) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer

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  (707): Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer http://tfl.nu/jesn
  Replies (2) Good night (434) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?

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  (509): You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you? http://tfl.nu/3xdc
  Replies (8) Good night (346) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.

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  (289): I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me. http://tfl.nu/j2zo
  Replies (7) Good night (797) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you

  (1-240): View more from Maryland

  Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina

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  (240): Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you (1-240): Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina http://tfl.nu/ytzu
  Replies (8) Good night (1722) Bad night (350)

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