Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake

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  (704): Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake http://tfl.nu/8hsp
  Replies (8) Good night (626) Bad night (823)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?

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  (586): Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white? http://tfl.nu/dlzj
  Replies (28) Good night (2742) Bad night (555)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  yet...

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  (732): nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug. (732): Needless to say there is no second date for this girl. (862): yet... http://tfl.nu/och4
  Replies (44) Good night (855) Bad night (6167)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  she is the kim kardashian of front butts

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  (913): she is the kim kardashian of front butts http://tfl.nu/khn5
  Replies (23) Good night (618) Bad night (5801)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

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  (310): based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment http://tfl.nu/srdh
  Replies (31) Good night (1339) Bad night (11931)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?

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  (208): On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you? http://tfl.nu/5voi
  Replies (13) Good night (5386) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (10469) Bad night (1316)
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  (415): View more from California

  It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.

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  (415): It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner. http://tfl.nu/rtus
  Replies (23) Good night (3370) Bad night (1788)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

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  (818): Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested. http://tfl.nu/vry7
  Replies (15) Good night (4804) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.

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  (519): Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed. http://tfl.nu/q7k6
  Replies (9) Good night (1414) Bad night (1750)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.

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  (541): I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night. http://tfl.nu/6kn4
  Replies (6) Good night (581) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!

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  (225): I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid! http://tfl.nu/3alp
  Replies (4) Good night (470) Bad night (1650)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.

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  (503): Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here. http://tfl.nu/gxsg
  Replies (6) Good night (1236) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years

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  (978): The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years http://tfl.nu/zb6z
  Replies (7) Good night (817) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...

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  (405): I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point... http://tfl.nu/xse9
  Replies (8) Good night (349) Bad night (869)

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