Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...