Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
