Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.

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  (336): Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see. http://tfl.nu/n17o
  Replies (13) Good night (892) Bad night (2598)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives

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  (404): after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives http://tfl.nu/slpi
  Replies (11) Good night (3096) Bad night (1191)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.

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  (203): I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under. http://tfl.nu/oj4t
  Replies (14) Good night (3490) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.

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  (913): Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go. http://tfl.nu/47sp
  Replies (18) Good night (5474) Bad night (1233)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house

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  (931): I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house http://tfl.nu/8rln
  Replies (18) Good night (991) Bad night (5354)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.

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  (505): She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night. http://tfl.nu/d1vk
  Replies (5) Good night (3844) Bad night (1170)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."

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  (561): And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips." http://tfl.nu/kfac
  Replies (6) Good night (2541) Bad night (1265)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right

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  (920): Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right http://tfl.nu/du0e
  Replies (24) Good night (6255) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.

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  (603): to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald. http://tfl.nu/pb1j
  Replies (4) Good night (2337) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice

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  (954): I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice http://tfl.nu/nj79
  Replies (5) Good night (1515) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now

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  (207): It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now http://tfl.nu/zpim
  Replies (18) Good night (2222) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS

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  (724): Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS http://tfl.nu/ftff
  Replies (17) Good night (2480) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.

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  (+61): It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys. http://tfl.nu/j3cl
  Replies (8) Good night (652) Bad night (1911)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house

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  (503): Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house http://tfl.nu/makx
  Replies (5) Good night (943) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.

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  (515): Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted. http://tfl.nu/i4ke
  Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (259)

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