Are you guys doing anything tonight?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.