Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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