Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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