Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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