you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
