Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
