I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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