i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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