Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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