butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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