Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
