his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
