So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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