It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
