just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
