When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
