Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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